If I didn’t know any better I would have guessed that the latest “official” Total Recall trailer was a fan creation made entirely from clips of already existing films. Though Sony swears this is the “OFFICIAL” trailer, here’s what I saw:
-Drunk Hitman from In Bruges wakes up in bed with Vampire from Underworld
-Drunk Hitman then walks into the bar from the Star Trek remake and through some glaring JJ Abrams lens flares
Cut to some interior shots of the Tyrell Corp. Building (from Blade Runner) where:
-Harold (who unfortunately bleached his hair when he got way too high with Kumar one night) plays with some cool ass computers from The Minority Report
-Which leads to a cool fight scene from Ultraviolet (minus Milla Jovovich)
The rest of the trailer is a bunch of quick epileptic fit inducing cuts showing:
- The cars (and, for that matter, the whole city) from The Fifth Element
– Some slick looking dudes decked out in Mass Effect armor
– Chick from Whiteout now trying to kill Bullseye
- Jessica Biel’s upper torso and NOT her jeans (the best part of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake)
– Then more Fifth Element, more Mass Effect
– The part from Superman III where the computer comes alive
– The elevator fight scene from So Close
… With a fucking awful Bayformer sound effect signaling the trailer’s end.
I guess I could have saved myself a lot of time and trouble and just said I saw the original movie in the 1990… But where’s the fun in that?