Raw Dog Screaming Press: RDSP Holiday Gift Guide

RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS LOGO

2012 IMJ HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE BANNER #1Depending on your work environment, you either tolerate the yearly tradition of Secret Santa or your despise it. If you are looking for an alternative office gift guide that is totally and unabashedly biased… Look no further!

We furnish you with the Raw Dog Screaming Press Holiday Buying Guide. As a bonus feature, it doubles for other gift recipients you may not know so well– such as extended family, in-laws, the new creep with your sister or awkward weirdo with your brother, and so forth!

CLICK THE GIFT TAGS BANNER

THE GOTH GIFT TAGBetter Haunted Homes & GardensBetter Haunted Homes and Gardens
Author: Jennifer C. Barnes
Illustrator: Kristen Margiotta
$11.95, Imaginary BooksTHE GOOD

If Tim Burton made a children’s book it would be this. If you dislike Burton’s work, you can still enjoy the really cool aesthetic in this pint-sized dose without having to sit through a feature-length film.

THE BAD

Ole mopey won’t cheer up with the gift, nor will they move away to any of the houses in the book. In fact you’ll probably be seeing a lot more of them because they’ll appreciate you giving them such a strange gift.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Maybe you should just save this for yourself– or your friends who have children. Not receiving a gift is secretly what the Goth desires in order to fuel their sullen angst.

SERVE WITH: Sarsaparilla

BEST SHARED WITH: A Goth-era Kim Kardashian

THE GAMER GIFT TAGFellengreyFellengrey
Author: Scott Thomas
Hardcover $29.95
Trade Paperback: $14.95
Raw Dog Screaming Press

THE GOOD

Fellengrey is a fantasy adventure set in the not-too-distant past, so it will appeal to those into steampunk and readers pining for another Tolkien-inspired novel.

THE BAD

Your gamer will become obsessed with naval battles, how magic can be implemented in naval battles, tabletop naval games from Games Workshop (which cost a fortune), and will give themselves a maritime makeover via Etsy and eBay. Brace yourself.

THE BOTTOM LINE

It’s fun, it’s elegant, it’s action packed– and you don’t even need to read it to find out because the gamer will tell you all about it. Then you can be the authority on the book when the film version eventually comes out.

SERVE WITH: Remy Martin XO Cognac

BEST SHARED WITH: Dwight Schrute

THE CREEPER GIFT TAGTHE BLOOD POETRYThe Blood Poetry
Author: Leland Pitts-Gonzalez
Hardcover $29.95
Trade Paperback: $14.95
Raw Dog Screaming Press

THE GOOD

Leland Pitts-Gonzalez has created a mind-expanding postmodern horror that draws a line in the sand between the hip gift-giver, the person who cares what you think of them after the gift-giving, and the person who will bury you in the sandbox. Interpret that as you will.

THE BAD

Your creeper will either be compelled to take their strangeness to the next level, or they might give up on trying to be “the weird one.” Either way they won’t be the same. Heck, they might not ever come to the office again.

THE BOTTOM LINE

When the Police, Secret Service, or other law enforcement entities question you, you’ve got plausible deniability. All you did was buy a book! How could you have known things would spiral out of control? Anyway, all the cool kids are doing it.

SERVE WITH: Lucid Absinthe

BEST SHARED WITH: Lady Gaga

THE HEX CASTING GERMAPHOBE GIFT TAGHELLBENDERHellbender
Author: Jason Jack Miller
$14.95, Raw Dog Screaming Press

THE GOOD

This has everything a traditionalist adores: Beautiful storytelling, grudges leading to murder and extra helpings of superstition (or is that magic stuff all real?). People who believe things they cannot see hold power over them will flip out after reading this.

THE BAD

Hellbender is part of a series, and the author has only published two of the five (or possibly more) novels that tell the overall story. If you’re impatient, maybe you want to wait before wading into this addictive world– although Jason Jack Miller works quickly and a third installment is slated for mid-2013.

THE BOTTOM LINE

This might be the most all-purpose book to make the list. People who like horror, romance, mystery, or literary novels— they’ll all be happy with this pick. Just make sure to include some strands of your hair between the pages to freak them out.

SERVE WITH: Midnight Moon Apple Pie Moonshine

BEST SHARED WITH: Willem Dafoe

THE GRAMMAR NAZI GIFT TAGARCHITECTURES OF POSSIBILITYArchitectures of Possibility
Author: Lance Olsen
$15.95, Guide Dog Books

THE GOOD

There are tons of self-help styled books for authors out there, as a trip to your bookstore or library will attest. But it is guaranteed that none is anything like this one, because it is not about chasing money or the technical “how” of writing. It is about being different and creating art in spite of the commercial publishing system, and it’s kinda mind-blowing.

THE BAD

Yeah, it’ll be hard to go back to reading and/or writing anything in the traditional publishing system again after reading this. As Morpheus says in The Matrix, “You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” Architectures of Possibility is the red pill, natch.

THE BOTTOM LINE

This isn’t a textbook, so it’s not boring– even though universities across the country include it in their coursework. It makes the perfect gift for anybody who continuously complains about “art and commerce” and expects you to care, or to actually come to their open mic poetry readings…

SERVE WITH: Snooty Fox Cabernet Sauvignon

BEST SHARED WITH: Scarlett Johansson

THE BUDDING MISANTHROPE GIFT TAGTHE KYOTO MANThe Kyoto Man
Author: D. Harlan Wilson
$50.00 (Signed/Limited HC)
$29.95 Hardcover
$14.95 Trade Paperback
Raw Dog Screaming Press

THE GOOD

There are those among us who enjoy feeling smart at the expense of their fellow man. They are often called IT Techs. This book will make gods of its readers. The end. Post script: the covers for all three editions were designed by Brett Weldele (artist for The Surrogates, among others).

THE BAD

It’s currently a preorder. Some folks are such fanboys or masochists that they enjoy receiving IOUs— I mean preorders— as gifts. Others not so much. Current ETA for the limited edition is late December, but the hardcover and paperback won’t be out until February or March.

THE BOTTOM LINE

If you want to stick it to someone, you can give this preorder, then watch them wait for its eventual release. Or maybe you actually know somebody who enjoys the surrealism of David Lynch or the spectacle of Cirque du Soleil who would cherish a book this bizarre and over-the-top.

SERVE WITH: Macallan 1949 Single Malt

BEST SHARED WITH: John Goodman

THE BOSS GIFT TAGSuiPsalmsSuiPsalms
Author: John Edward Lawson
$14.95, Raw Dog Screaming Press

THE GOOD

It’s not really as depressing as it sounds, being about suicide and all. In the words of IMJ’s own Heidi Ruby Miller, “SuiPsalms holds a surprising amount of hope among its gritty verse.”

THE BAD

Yeah, it’s still about death and dying. And as much fun as that is, it must come to an end; like most poetry collections it’s much shorter than a novel.

THE BOTTOM LINE

People who are into poetry will like it, people who don’t usually like poetry will also be entertained, and those with morbid fixations will be in hog heaven. Most importantly: If you want to give somebody a hint, what could possibly be more subtle than this?

SERVE WITH: Delirium Tremens Ale

BEST SHARED WITH: Christopher Walken

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6 Responses to Raw Dog Screaming Press: RDSP Holiday Gift Guide

  1. Reblogged this on John Edward Lawson and commented:
    Here’s the holiday buying guide I wrote (for everyone who has asked about which RDSP books to purchase):

  2. Is it any surprise I have almost all of these?

    Love the SERVED WITH and BEST SHARED WITH!!

    🙂 Heidi

    • I’m pretty sure D. Harlan is hoarding 14 cases of 1949 Macallan single malt. He’s like that. And I can really see Lady Gaga hitting it off with Leland. Now what we need to get you is a copy of SuiPsalms signed by Christopher Walken.

  3. Why won’t Willem Dafoe return my calls?

  4. Pingback: All you need for an oddball Christmas « Madeleine Swann

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