Insideman’s WTF?! LUCY Official Trailer #1 Starring Scarlett Johansson… And uh, Morgan Freeman?!

Insideman's WTF 2013 BannerLucy Movie Banner

So here’s why it’s great to be a male actor in Hollywood…

Let’s say you’re Morgan Freeman and you make it big later in life. You parlay that stardom into a series of thrillers paying literary hero Dr. Alex Cross. The first movie, Kiss the Girls, co-stars a TWENTY-NINE YEAR OLD Ashley Judd and proves to be a huge hit in 1997… Even though you are SIXTY YEARS OLD. Then you make the Alex Cross sequel Along Came A Spider in 2001– which is not as successful, but was going to be made whether it was any good or not.

All that doesn’t matter anyway, cause Hollywood still remembers the huge bank you made 4 years before acting next to Judd… So you get teamed with her again in 2002’s High Crimes– both playing different characters, in yet another thriller. After that, you lope along– appearing in cool films (Million Dollar Baby) while also playing key parts in various blockbusters (Batman Begins)… Until 2013, when you hit the ripe old age of SEVENTY-SEVEN.

Enter Scarlett Johansson— age TWENTY-NINE. She’s huge and wants to make a Black Widow movie with Marvel… But the studio is reluctant. They remember the abysmal bomb called Elektra— and even though that craptacular’s on 20th Century Fox’s shit sheet… Marvel Studios execs can’t decide if Natasha Romanov is big enough leading lady material to carry a $150+ million superhero flick.

So Johansson makes Luc Besson’s Lucy in 2013… Which is a Black Widow movie, only with blonde hair. And since the studios still remember the money pot that occurs when you pair Morgan Freeman with a much younger starlet (Ashley Judd is out of the question now… She’s an “old lady” by Hollywood standards), Freeman gets tapped as Johansson’s co-star– even though he will be SEVENTY-EIGHT when the film premieres.

So what have we learned here? If you’re a big enough MALE actor, you get to co-star in action movies with 29 year old actresses– even as you approach your EIGHTH DECADE on the planet. We also learn if you are a 46-year-old FEMALE actress, you get to act in movies about peppy Dolphins and shit. And what does Scarlett Johansson score from all this? She gets a chance to prove she can play Black Widow in an action film all by herself– even though her name in this movie is Lucy.

So if Lucy makes bank (and I hope it’s huge)… Expect Marvel to announce a solo project for the fictional former Soviet Spy within the year– with (you got it!) Morgan Freeman playing Nick (Samuel L. Jackson) Fury’s Dad… Or older brother– depending on how loose the filmmaker’s get with the actors’ actual ages.

Win-win? Not for Ashley Judd apparently…


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4 Responses to Insideman’s WTF?! LUCY Official Trailer #1 Starring Scarlett Johansson… And uh, Morgan Freeman?!

  1. Locusmortis says:

    Helen Mirren is sort of the exception that proves this rule

  2. Insideman says:

    But, in all fairness (and to prove your point, Locusmortis)… THIS JUST IN:

    RYAN REYNOLDS to co-star with HELEN MIRREN…

  3. I’m really looking forward to this movie. The trailer looked great last night before Captain America.

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