Irene L. Pynn’s The Princess and Her Playstation™ – The Vegetarian’s Guide To Eating Pokémon!

Irene L Pynn The Princess and Her Playstation™ BannerPikachuVegetarian Guide Banner

We’ve all been there: Endless travels from town-to-town battling gym leaders, defeating little kids, impressing guys and gals alike… And then one hot afternoon, you find that lunch didn’t really satisfy, and you’d like a snack before dinner. You check the trees– bare. You check the ground– dry. You check your pockets– Pokémon.

So, which ones can you eat?

For a large portion of the world, there’s a simple answer to this: Any of them. As long as you’re a meat-eater, every Pokémon you own is fair game. Sizzle ’em up and chow down.

But what if I’m a vegetarian?

In this case, the answer is a little more complicated. I’ll have to ask you some questions about your diet.

Are you a vegetarian because of health concerns? (See our “HEALTH” section!)

Are you a vegetarian because of ethical concerns? (See our “ETHICS” section!)

Health

(Please Note: This HEALTH section refers to the health of the diner– not the Pokémon.)

There are many health concerns that lead to vegetarianism, so for brevity’s sake I’ll stick to two of the most common dietary restrictions: NO meat at all and NO red meat

If your doctor has told you to avoid all meat, your motivations may be different– but you can skip down to the ETHICS section of this analysis because the outcome for your meal may be the same.

But perhaps you avoid only red meat, and you still call yourself a vegetarian. In this case, there are some delicious Pokémon on the menu!

Pidove

Pidove is a great and tasty option for the hungry Pokémon master who’s also watching his cholesterol. Once you’ve plucked and prepared this feathery flying type, you have a dish of tender, almost sweet Pokémon poultry that anyone will agree tastes better than the cage-grown, plastic-wrapped Pokémon they try to push on you at the supermarket. You’ve trained this Pidove. You’ve let it fly free at your side for weeks. You’ve bonded. Now it’s time to eat.

Remember: A happy Pidove is a delicious Pidove.

Yeah, but I’m not really into fowl…

MagikarpWell then, consider frying up your Magikarp. This is an uncommon recipe for a common Pokémon, and it can really hit the spot! If you’re feeling adventurous, you could even bake this delectable companion in breadcrumbs and (low-fat) butter.

However, those whose physicians have warned against eating red meat should avoid many creatures, lest a higher dose of Lipitor be in your future. The Pokémon to cross off your diet include, but are not limited to the following:

Mareep, Tepig, Miltank, Skitty or Pansage

Always use your common sense and your Pokédex to help determine whether eating a particular Pokémon is right for your diet.

ETHICS

Okay, so you avoid meat because you have an ethical concern– rather than a personal health concern. There is actually more than one way to address this, as well: You refuse to eat the meat of anything that is clearly an animal, or you refuse to eat the meat of anything that is clearly sentient.

If we want to, we could get seriously existential about the meaning of the words “animal” and “sentient.” But you’re hungry, so let’s get going with simple definitions:

Anything we call an “animal” will be something that is not a plant. Anything we call “sentient” will be something that demonstrates it can think and interact with the world around it.

This is where we face a difficult question. Is a grass-type Pokémon a plant? For instance, if you are an ethical vegetarian who refuses to eat anything that is an animal, can you eat a Bulbasaur?

BulbasaurNo. I’m sorry, but you cannot eat Bulbasaur.

But it looks so yummy!

You’re right. It is, if you cook it properly.

However, an ethical vegetarian cannot justify cooking and consuming Bulbasaur. Though it is, indeed, a “grass type” Pokémon, it is not actually grass– any more than Pikachu is electricity or Oshawott is water.

Bulbasaur is clearly a reptile (which makes it a good option for the non-red meat eaters!) that simply harnesses the power of plants for use in battle.

The bulb growing on Bulbasaur’s back is technically actually fine to eat– but only if it falls off on its own. Removing the bulb WILL result in serious damage to Bulbasaur– who uses it for energy… Therefore, it cannot be recommended as an option for ethical vegetarians.

It is also worth noting that Bulbasaur is a grass AND poison type Pokémon. This means a chef must take extra care when preparing this particular dish, as it can lead to serious indigestion– and even a lack of appetite for eating Pokémon in the future.

But do not despair, ethical eaters! A few Pokémon actually are plants. These include, but are not limited to the following:

Sunflora, Bellossom, Petilil, Sunkern or Cherubi

Sunflora by Kevichan

In fact, if you manage to gather several of these, wash them up and chop them in a large bowl! You’ll have one of the most satisfying salads ever made!

Finally, for those ethical vegetarians who refuse to eat anything with sentience, there is only one answer to the question of which Pokémon you can eat:

Sorry. All Pokémon think and interact with the world around them. All Pokémon are essentially pets or wild creatures– and that means you’re just going to have to go hungry until you hit the next town… Where you can order a delicious dinner that meets your dietary requirements.

Come to think of it, you can even share some dinner with Pidove when you’re done.

[Bulbasaur by Emu Toons, Sunflora by Kevichan]
This entry was posted in Anime, Commentary, Editorial, Geek Culture, IMJ Nation™ Column, Inveterate Media Junkies™ Exclusive, Irene L. Pynn, Pokémon, The Princess and Her Playstation and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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